In afternoons to evenings my grandmother, Laling, seats at the balcony of our abode with her fan swaying hither and thither, issuing a throb of wind towards the bunch of flies, dodging every saber-like approach of her lame foot; leaning with her back crunching as the very weaker parts touched the fiery wall of her ancestral mono-block. The sides of her face were dappled with curves and veins like of a web; her cheeks moved on a circular motion as if chewing meat of an elder venison. Smoke soon float on her face as she open her mouth with a cigarette clinging at the side of her lips as if an elephant nostril was mounted on it. One thing amazed me that time, when I perceived that the smoke secretion was slowly diminished from her mouth as if quickly extinguished, and soon the trick was revealed: I noticed the butt of the cigar lay outward, and the remnants from the kindled part was actually in her mouth. That gave me the will of concern to ask:
“Tiyang, aren’t you hurt with the burning in your mouth?”
“Not at all, child,” she said.
With that inquiry, thoughts of her past I mused, labored every piece of recount from our relatives of her life as a youngster, and pursue the questionings one from the other.
“Since when the Japanese occupied your place?” I asked.
“Why you ask?”
“Many fails to touch this concern on your life; I still wonder what’s life back there through your goings.”
“Never in this sweet cigar I taste with thoughts of the past in me; I only recall the time when me and Conching constrained to taste our own dung out of curiosity.”
As she blurted the last few words, I had seen a drop of smile occupied her parting lips, made an essence like of a dean to her novice. She slid her arm on her winter gown, furred with hair-like blemishes as though bleached superfluously; her arms were clinging with excessive skin a person gets from aging. The fan on her arm continued to sway in irregularity while her eyes were fixed on above sky. She lit the cigar with competence, and swiftly turned it backwards toward her mouth; smoke soon came out from her mouth like of a dancing viper.
The air of the afternoon came as a breeze blended with the smoke, creating aspirations of knowing what is beneath the disadvantage of making smoking a habit; of what the lungs endure on every sip of caffeine and nicotine that sooth the unknown feeling of the chest, while trembling during the act of inhaling the spontaneous provocation of illness. Her earnest voice broke my reverie:
“Rice was always a big deal in our times,” she said, “especially when our mother waits every night to check our earnings from selling lotto tickets; I remember a time when me and Conching decided to check out the theatre house to see a play of our pondered actor, disregarding the anger our mother might assert - and we went on without thinking, handed our whole-day earnings on the theater attendant, and enjoyed the rest of the show,” Tiyang paused for a second, smiling on her details, then went on, “when a hand from the dark took a grasp upon my hair while Conching on her bicep, and in one moment, mother took shape, dragging us out of the theater house, marveling foul words, but to both of us, still muttering words of escape.”
The clock struck with a resonant tone, proclaiming the hour of three, pushing our conversation to its anticipated end; but to Tiyang, the hours were like a mere sand of life, slowly pulling her soul out of her, towards the abyss of her losing senses. Her mere countenance seemed inordinate on the way she looks at life, not concerning the danger of the continuance on the usage of the thwarted habit. Her form of quaint acceptance towards the approaching dawn on her life conceived the frightened being that hid itself beyond Tiyang’s sanity. Moments of her leaving every quarter of the month made me eliminate every possible future of her not going back at us, until an unexpected day of her arrival with a handful of hardened bread hid inside her bag of insurance, remained as the seasonal greeting every month.
“What happened next?” I asked, “I suppose your mother really had a hard time on both you.”
“Hard time indeed, son” she paused for a cough, then said, “we received a well-measured hit of mother’s stick: from head to foot we’ve had had our sweet hit; the ironic thing was the smile on Conching’s face and a muttering laugh coming from my bleeding lips, as if inviting more of the stick, regardless on how it can be fatal as it break our mild, young skin into blisters and scars at the last assault of it - that made a cleft on my lip’s upper part”:
Tiyang had shown the crevice that now recede at the back butt of the cigar conceiving the thoughts of the past grieving, and then marveled an impetuous account of the next scene from the latter:
“Mother took us the next day at the fort of the narrow-eyed soldiers, urging Conching to do the household chores while I get rid of the wasps with the torch. Sipping cups of coffee, bearded men were leaning at their own tables as if revitalized and became crude on the situation they had incited. I was sweeping the smote flies towards the door, when one of the bearded men approached me: ‘Are these all dead, servant?’ I did not answer; the question seemed prolonged in my head. ‘Deafening question, huh?’ One of the wasps started to quiver; the throbbing of my heart became a fiery around my temple; my nerves began to palpitate; my eyes were dreary. An approaching boot was seen at the side of my left eye, as though addressed for a servant; blinking was a form of escape, as I mind of my job in the room as an imbecile doings.”
“…and, the wasp?” I asked.
“Let me tell you this, son: life, in many ways, is a journey either on hell or Eden; it’s just a matter of optimism that we consider the path we’re heading to. At that time when one of the wasps moved, I assumed already the end of me in that room; but my first concern was Conching, feeling safe at the hearth, loading the piles of wood in the fireplace as though the light intricate the wasps to appear.”
“But wasps are intuitive, not minding the steps they’re taking.”
“Well, that’s the point. I’m on that peril situation because the wasps invaded the room of those narrow-eyed; I’ve chosen to accept the job with a personal reason in mind: I hate wasp, they sting me for no reason, as if I’ve had left an important gratuity for them; I hate dealing business with them, they always get me into trouble.”
The cigar on Tiyang’s mouth transfigured in the form of a crumpled pipe, withered by inhalation, with the remnants still intact, promoting solidarity as a way of prolonging its stay on the body of the main constitute. Tiyang soon took the cigar out of her mouth, kindled it, and then returned it in its own place. She stood for a moment, made a stretching activity, and then sat once more at her mono-block.
The newly-born smoke flew at my face with freshness, as if crawled from the Atlantic air, accumulated the cold sting, leaving my nose on a craving duty. My view became misty through the growth of the incongruous heaviness of the secretion of the smoke, resulting to Tiyang’s feature of a woman facing the afternoon hue with dust mites scattered. Her eyes moistened with tears, with a peculiar smile appended on it.
“Wasps are really good stingers, can’t imagine them pushing they’re needles –“
“Don’t imagine, son!” she said impetuously, “the wasps I mentioned moving had its over-dues after receiving the boot from that narrow-eyed. Wasps, son, are intuitive indeed, but the move the man enacted doesn’t really had any excuses in any way to be permissible upon a living thing; wasps’ default mind have their ’sting-at-all-times-or-be-eaten’ scheme; where did they get that? I don’t know, but I assume you, our Creator really have had a purpose of mounting every moving elements their weapon of survival: us, arms, feet, and teeth; them, wings, and butt-needles. Those bites that I’ve had were the wasps’ completion of their aspired sweet treats: as a supposition, perceived as their first and probably, their last, grabbed it without minding a thing; approached their death like ephemeral creatures - and I’m quite happy as a vessel for them.”
Tiyang’s optimistic views nurtured and lofted the young mind in me, etched a gullible approached on every critical proposition of men and deference of argumentation; embrace them as form of teachings; relieve them from personal prejudices; treat as cultured-precious pearls; blackened as the acceptance was established. Every piece of her word clinging on her sentences appeared to be needles of the cerebra: every poke an idea comes out; disregard the questioned views - stapled as requisites.
“Wasps are really cultivated creatures; narrow-eyed men are such fierce creatures: participating in the war of the worlds, pushing their believes in the extended place an average man can’t possibly understand.”
“But they’re lucky people, with the strength of their country wall at their back, supporting them against the fiends of their own kind;” Tiyang, pallid and sweaty, continued, “my brothers, sons, and daughters are the ones who had the taste of the war, claimed their lives one by one by hunger and sickness, with their stomach calling for a feed.”
Tiyang slowly had her tears, moistened her dry, wrinkled facial, took out her cigar, compelled the butt into the ashtray.
Never, even once, that I have seen Tiyang cry of any reason. I grew up knowing that she is a person of stout movement; that crying is the last option she could take in times of her life at stake. In her very weakness, I had seen a normal grandparent, swaying her old-aged fan, while cherishing her cherry cigar clinging upon her mouth, while getting rid of the flies in the afternoon air of her passing time. An average life, indeed.
“I feel sorry for being insistent,” I said.
“No. It’s just me, son, who couldn’t take the pile of the past out of me. They always chase me even in my sleep. I was caught between the world of the dead and the living.”
“It’s time for you to disregard the things of the past; you don’t have any fault of whatsoever, in the conclusion of their dear lives, you've had become a great daughter, sister, mother, and grandmother with the people you love. Hence, there’s nothing to cry about. You’ve been good.”
With the words I had spoken, she never realized how eager I am to fill the void conception within her. She never had an illustrious life: from her sister, to us, an equivocal affiliation, she was proud as a part, which could never be replaced with her past lifestream. The dedication she had shown through the decades laid as a service to us, was for her could only be repaid with a good treatment, which I am certain we had given her.
The afternoon light became a steadfast revolution as the replacement of the above sky from azure-fine day, to a vesper-specked night was such a beauty in the eyes of an spectator; never deemed by any one of any mortification of the momentum mirth built from a conversation under the afternoon sun. The smoke from a lighted cigar would not be visible against this rare beauty of nature; but the permeability of the latter was not the gravity feature, the taste and appeal on the nostril of the fine mist were the paid attributes of the forbaded stick: the pod that carried the mood at its exploration.
At the last moment on the remains of the daylight, a figure was formed seating with its back stretched against the bamboo chair at the balcony of our renovated home, waving its hand good-bye, while slowly prevailing towards the northern light.
Mama soon came out of the front door.
“Place this candle on the grotto; it’s your Tiyang’s third-death anniversary.”
“Tiyang, aren’t you hurt with the burning in your mouth?”
“Not at all, child,” she said.
With that inquiry, thoughts of her past I mused, labored every piece of recount from our relatives of her life as a youngster, and pursue the questionings one from the other.
“Since when the Japanese occupied your place?” I asked.
“Why you ask?”
“Many fails to touch this concern on your life; I still wonder what’s life back there through your goings.”
“Never in this sweet cigar I taste with thoughts of the past in me; I only recall the time when me and Conching constrained to taste our own dung out of curiosity.”
As she blurted the last few words, I had seen a drop of smile occupied her parting lips, made an essence like of a dean to her novice. She slid her arm on her winter gown, furred with hair-like blemishes as though bleached superfluously; her arms were clinging with excessive skin a person gets from aging. The fan on her arm continued to sway in irregularity while her eyes were fixed on above sky. She lit the cigar with competence, and swiftly turned it backwards toward her mouth; smoke soon came out from her mouth like of a dancing viper.
The air of the afternoon came as a breeze blended with the smoke, creating aspirations of knowing what is beneath the disadvantage of making smoking a habit; of what the lungs endure on every sip of caffeine and nicotine that sooth the unknown feeling of the chest, while trembling during the act of inhaling the spontaneous provocation of illness. Her earnest voice broke my reverie:
“Rice was always a big deal in our times,” she said, “especially when our mother waits every night to check our earnings from selling lotto tickets; I remember a time when me and Conching decided to check out the theatre house to see a play of our pondered actor, disregarding the anger our mother might assert - and we went on without thinking, handed our whole-day earnings on the theater attendant, and enjoyed the rest of the show,” Tiyang paused for a second, smiling on her details, then went on, “when a hand from the dark took a grasp upon my hair while Conching on her bicep, and in one moment, mother took shape, dragging us out of the theater house, marveling foul words, but to both of us, still muttering words of escape.”
The clock struck with a resonant tone, proclaiming the hour of three, pushing our conversation to its anticipated end; but to Tiyang, the hours were like a mere sand of life, slowly pulling her soul out of her, towards the abyss of her losing senses. Her mere countenance seemed inordinate on the way she looks at life, not concerning the danger of the continuance on the usage of the thwarted habit. Her form of quaint acceptance towards the approaching dawn on her life conceived the frightened being that hid itself beyond Tiyang’s sanity. Moments of her leaving every quarter of the month made me eliminate every possible future of her not going back at us, until an unexpected day of her arrival with a handful of hardened bread hid inside her bag of insurance, remained as the seasonal greeting every month.
“What happened next?” I asked, “I suppose your mother really had a hard time on both you.”
“Hard time indeed, son” she paused for a cough, then said, “we received a well-measured hit of mother’s stick: from head to foot we’ve had had our sweet hit; the ironic thing was the smile on Conching’s face and a muttering laugh coming from my bleeding lips, as if inviting more of the stick, regardless on how it can be fatal as it break our mild, young skin into blisters and scars at the last assault of it - that made a cleft on my lip’s upper part”:
Tiyang had shown the crevice that now recede at the back butt of the cigar conceiving the thoughts of the past grieving, and then marveled an impetuous account of the next scene from the latter:
“Mother took us the next day at the fort of the narrow-eyed soldiers, urging Conching to do the household chores while I get rid of the wasps with the torch. Sipping cups of coffee, bearded men were leaning at their own tables as if revitalized and became crude on the situation they had incited. I was sweeping the smote flies towards the door, when one of the bearded men approached me: ‘Are these all dead, servant?’ I did not answer; the question seemed prolonged in my head. ‘Deafening question, huh?’ One of the wasps started to quiver; the throbbing of my heart became a fiery around my temple; my nerves began to palpitate; my eyes were dreary. An approaching boot was seen at the side of my left eye, as though addressed for a servant; blinking was a form of escape, as I mind of my job in the room as an imbecile doings.”
“…and, the wasp?” I asked.
“Let me tell you this, son: life, in many ways, is a journey either on hell or Eden; it’s just a matter of optimism that we consider the path we’re heading to. At that time when one of the wasps moved, I assumed already the end of me in that room; but my first concern was Conching, feeling safe at the hearth, loading the piles of wood in the fireplace as though the light intricate the wasps to appear.”
“But wasps are intuitive, not minding the steps they’re taking.”
“Well, that’s the point. I’m on that peril situation because the wasps invaded the room of those narrow-eyed; I’ve chosen to accept the job with a personal reason in mind: I hate wasp, they sting me for no reason, as if I’ve had left an important gratuity for them; I hate dealing business with them, they always get me into trouble.”
The cigar on Tiyang’s mouth transfigured in the form of a crumpled pipe, withered by inhalation, with the remnants still intact, promoting solidarity as a way of prolonging its stay on the body of the main constitute. Tiyang soon took the cigar out of her mouth, kindled it, and then returned it in its own place. She stood for a moment, made a stretching activity, and then sat once more at her mono-block.
The newly-born smoke flew at my face with freshness, as if crawled from the Atlantic air, accumulated the cold sting, leaving my nose on a craving duty. My view became misty through the growth of the incongruous heaviness of the secretion of the smoke, resulting to Tiyang’s feature of a woman facing the afternoon hue with dust mites scattered. Her eyes moistened with tears, with a peculiar smile appended on it.
“Wasps are really good stingers, can’t imagine them pushing they’re needles –“
“Don’t imagine, son!” she said impetuously, “the wasps I mentioned moving had its over-dues after receiving the boot from that narrow-eyed. Wasps, son, are intuitive indeed, but the move the man enacted doesn’t really had any excuses in any way to be permissible upon a living thing; wasps’ default mind have their ’sting-at-all-times-or-be-eaten’ scheme; where did they get that? I don’t know, but I assume you, our Creator really have had a purpose of mounting every moving elements their weapon of survival: us, arms, feet, and teeth; them, wings, and butt-needles. Those bites that I’ve had were the wasps’ completion of their aspired sweet treats: as a supposition, perceived as their first and probably, their last, grabbed it without minding a thing; approached their death like ephemeral creatures - and I’m quite happy as a vessel for them.”
Tiyang’s optimistic views nurtured and lofted the young mind in me, etched a gullible approached on every critical proposition of men and deference of argumentation; embrace them as form of teachings; relieve them from personal prejudices; treat as cultured-precious pearls; blackened as the acceptance was established. Every piece of her word clinging on her sentences appeared to be needles of the cerebra: every poke an idea comes out; disregard the questioned views - stapled as requisites.
“Wasps are really cultivated creatures; narrow-eyed men are such fierce creatures: participating in the war of the worlds, pushing their believes in the extended place an average man can’t possibly understand.”
“But they’re lucky people, with the strength of their country wall at their back, supporting them against the fiends of their own kind;” Tiyang, pallid and sweaty, continued, “my brothers, sons, and daughters are the ones who had the taste of the war, claimed their lives one by one by hunger and sickness, with their stomach calling for a feed.”
Tiyang slowly had her tears, moistened her dry, wrinkled facial, took out her cigar, compelled the butt into the ashtray.
Never, even once, that I have seen Tiyang cry of any reason. I grew up knowing that she is a person of stout movement; that crying is the last option she could take in times of her life at stake. In her very weakness, I had seen a normal grandparent, swaying her old-aged fan, while cherishing her cherry cigar clinging upon her mouth, while getting rid of the flies in the afternoon air of her passing time. An average life, indeed.
“I feel sorry for being insistent,” I said.
“No. It’s just me, son, who couldn’t take the pile of the past out of me. They always chase me even in my sleep. I was caught between the world of the dead and the living.”
“It’s time for you to disregard the things of the past; you don’t have any fault of whatsoever, in the conclusion of their dear lives, you've had become a great daughter, sister, mother, and grandmother with the people you love. Hence, there’s nothing to cry about. You’ve been good.”
With the words I had spoken, she never realized how eager I am to fill the void conception within her. She never had an illustrious life: from her sister, to us, an equivocal affiliation, she was proud as a part, which could never be replaced with her past lifestream. The dedication she had shown through the decades laid as a service to us, was for her could only be repaid with a good treatment, which I am certain we had given her.
The afternoon light became a steadfast revolution as the replacement of the above sky from azure-fine day, to a vesper-specked night was such a beauty in the eyes of an spectator; never deemed by any one of any mortification of the momentum mirth built from a conversation under the afternoon sun. The smoke from a lighted cigar would not be visible against this rare beauty of nature; but the permeability of the latter was not the gravity feature, the taste and appeal on the nostril of the fine mist were the paid attributes of the forbaded stick: the pod that carried the mood at its exploration.
At the last moment on the remains of the daylight, a figure was formed seating with its back stretched against the bamboo chair at the balcony of our renovated home, waving its hand good-bye, while slowly prevailing towards the northern light.
Mama soon came out of the front door.
“Place this candle on the grotto; it’s your Tiyang’s third-death anniversary.”










